Quick and Quiet and Queen, She Was

February 25, 2013

Time.

It's kind of on the ephemeral side.

Or, in the case of the characters in "Thrill the Competition," the efemmeral side. 

This story, an erotic romance about beauty queens, appears in the recently released (yet wholly captivating) anthology Sudden Sex, Alison Tyler's latest for Cleis Press.

Here's a piece of the action:

"It's not much fun giving a blow job," Taryn remarks over the noisy gush of heat hitting my hair. "Although I think every lesbian feels that way, don't you?"

"Only if they can speak from experience," I reply, wincing as Taryn continues to torture my tresses. Taryn winces, too—for an entirely different reason. "And I seriously doubt that the judges are going to inquire about my sex life, oral or otherwise, during the interview."

"Agreed." She puts down the blow dryer and picks up a hairbrush. "A better question would be: why did you get involved in beauty pageants?"

I smirk. The answer is out of the question. I got involved in beauty pageants because I wanted to meet girls. I could care less about the sash or the cash or the crown that glitters like a dinner plate in an advertisement for dishwashing soap. That doesn't mean I don't take pageantry seriously. It just means that I'm not in it to win it.

I used to think pageants were sideshows, populated with aspiring anchorwomen who were glitzy and ditzy, self-confident and self-conscious. But I've been on the circuit for two years now, since I was 19, and in that time, I've met girls with moxie and mettle and razor-sharp minds. Girls like Taryn. 

The first time I saw her parade across the stage, her gown sparkling like a Christmas ornament, her teeth aligned like corn on the cob, I wasn't really attracted to her. There was something in the way she moved, her back as straight as an exclamation point, her steps so polished, so precise, that made me think she was hollow on the inside.

But, as the saying goes, first is the worst, second is the best, and Taryn made a much better impression the second time around. We were at a local pageant, waiting outside the hotel's conference room for the personal interview to begin, when Taryn tapped me and said, "I much prefer T&A to Q&A. Do you?"

If you answered yes to the above question, I hope you'll get the sudden urge to splurge on Sudden Sex, which can be picked up (but not put down) from Cleis or, if you prefer cheap Sex, Amazon.

Curiouser and curiouser,
Allison Wonderland

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